COCKTAILS AND SEX: YOU DON’T HAVE A CLITORIS – OYA Magazine

COCKTAILS AND SEX: YOU DON’T HAVE A CLITORIS

By on January 15, 2017

By Tunrayo Mutairu

When you watch the act of lovemaking in movies, you are overwhelmed by the sweet imagery clouding your vision on the screens. You are in the moments with the actors; you put yourself in their place and live that memory with them. You “ooh” and “ahh” with them, you are in love with love. You get a similar if not same reaction with porn (if that is your thing, which truly is a lot of people’s thing, but go on, keep deleting those history on your phone, I won’t tell). The reality of these erotic fictions on our actual sex life can be another story though.

Flashback to when you first had sex, scratch everything you had read in the novels and seen on the TV, it SUCKS! If you are lucky, you limp to your hostel all sore and tired of life, collapsing on your bed and being unable to tell anyone of your ordeal. If you are unlucky, you go to your parent’s house and look them straight in the eyes on both legs and complete the activity for the day in good health (YIKES!)

It isn’t all that bad though, because after a while you begin to get a hang of it, you think to yourself; “it’s not so bad after all”. You then begin to realize you are ready for your fairy-tale sex; where everything is magic and flame. You want to scream and have your legs trapped in the air involuntarily but you realize the only emotion you feel at that point is tiredness from all the by “force position” the boo recently discovered on porn hub. So you sleep out of exhaustion, but don’t tell uncle that, he is a bad ass at that point, he fucked you to exhaustion.

As a determined sister that you are, you want to experience that toe curling out of the world experience everyone is talking about on Cosmo and on your google search (nothing to be timid about, we have all been there!). So you send “Easy ways to hit the g-spot for dummies” to bae. The article recommend a lot of soft touch, turns out it’s not really about the “gra gra”. So bae learns new ways to use the tongue and the fingers. The D-day arrives and you are all on point for the ultimate pleasure….
The tongue commences its exploration, it is lost in the land of no return, your labia and vagina is in actual trouble. He thinks by licking and biting your labia he is doing you a world of good so you begin to put yourself and him in the mood, you “ooh and ahhh” (the boy is feeling himself) and then like a bad guy, he dips the entire tongue in your vajayjay. At this point you are done pretending, so it’s a red for you. You call bae to order and forget about the toe curling experience. You console yourself with articles that say some women may never experience orgasm, so maybe it’s not bae that isn’t doing it right, it is ME! “Something must be wrong with my body” you say to yourself, but like a hustler, you never give up. The exploration continues, and then one day out of nowhere and probably due to frustration bae has got his own witty response, yes he is been googling too, he says to you “babe it’s not me, it’s you, I don’t think you have a clitoris”. Yes that is right, he has been researching, female circumcision was and is still real in African society, he informs you maybe that your uncle’s wife that did you bad really wanted a female child more than your mama, and the frustration was let out on you.

You begin to come to terms with life and mediocre sex, nothing like you read in the novel or seen on the TV is ever going to happen to you. That must suck. So what do you do?

The writer blogs at http://www.tunzdiaries.blogspot.com
Ff @tunztoz on IG

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One Comment

  1. Adekolu samuel

    January 15, 2017 at 2:33 pm

    Good one. Very good and true indeed

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