by Olojede Opeoluwa
Trust me, breaking up with your partner is terrible, but here’s how to start doing damage control.
First off, you need to understand that there’s no magical way around it breaking up is a traumatic experience.
Even if the relationship wasn’t the best, splitting up with a partner dramatically alters your day-to-day life and it undoubtedly has strong emotional repercussions that you must deal with ASAP.
- Make sure to cut off all contact:
In every breakup, you literally need a “break” to cool off, process your feelings and make up your mind on what’s next for you. Whatever you have to do to get the person out of your mind – be it blocking on social media, deleting numbers, and barring emails – please do. Breaking up with someone always causes your emotions to be all over the place, and you will surely miss them desperately enough to want to call or hang out with them again. Beware!
- Stop being extremely hard on yourself.
This is very important. Stop blaming yourself and thinking things like, “If only I listened more to him/her, if only I was cooler and more put-together, if only I used less makeup….” You have to actually understand that it takes two to break up – the problem was not just you, it was you two as a couple. It wouldn’t be fair to blame yourself that much! If you try to look the relationship from the outside, maybe you’ll have an easier time seeing how you both contributed to the breakup.
- Don’t scheme to get him/her back – scheme to get yourself back: Like I mentioned earlier, cut all contacts and don’t look forward to “making it right with him/her”. I’m not saying it’s a bad idea; it’s only safer that you get a grip of yourself before trying to get him back. Get solid books; go on a trip with friends, experience new things; whatever it is that suits you. Just make sure you do something for yourself.
- Allow yourself to feel pain when you need to. Now, don’t think being hard on yourself and feeling pain are closely related. They really aren’t. Feeling pain once in a while allows you to air your emotions which bring you a certain kind of peace thereafter. If you don’t let your emotions out, you’ll repress your feelings until you break down totally. If you have to cry, cry, if you have to take a stroll, go ahead – whatever it is that you have to do to be in composure.
- Spend a lot of time outside. This is a cliché, but fresh air really just helps to clear your head. So does, you know, seeing the sun every once in a while. Take at least two hours from each day to interact with the outside.
- Be careful whom you spend most of your time with, especially if it’s the opposite sex. As much as one would determine not to engage in a relationship immediately after a broken one, it is almost inevitable not to find a replacement. Chances are that, asides from close relationships with the same sex, you will get to find someone (an opposite sex) who has either gone through what you’re presently going through, or is going through it as well. It is at this moment you begin to relate to the person, and even open up to the person because they understand everything, and it’s not like you’re overreacting or you’re crazy. If you’re beginning to notice that you like someone else and you’re starting to see that person as a replacement, take it really, really slow with that person. You need to take such a relationship step by step and enjoy it as a casual thing for a while, that will give you some time to evaluate whether you’re actually ready to be with someone again or if you’re just ready to get sexually stimulated.
- Look forward to the future and don’t look back: This is critically important, as it is to bring back a sense of normalcy to your life – and to remind you of the opportunities you have to make things move forward for you. After a breakup, it may seem impossible to think that you will ever love again – trust me, I know. I once read a quote that says that “a sense of loss can open the door to great possibility”. Move forward to create your life, and if the relationship can be created again with that person you desire to be with, it will be created from a greater, deeper place and not the same old place that made you break up in the first place.
In my own point of view, a breakup, especially stemming from an unhealthy relationship or perhaps just one that wasn’t meant to be, always leads to something greater.